Duhgimon: Where's the Cheese?
by RyoShin
Summary: Digimon on drugs! Just plain slap stick that I find totally useless and made cause I was bored. Combined stories. 3rd part coming soon.
1. Duhgimon: What the f***?

This is probably going to be the oddest (and most Yaoi/Yuri) fic I will EVER write.I'm not good at yaoi/yuri.

This is Duhgimon.It is a poem about a rip off of Digimon.With author interaction.The things I think up.

::shakes head::

The characters? Sly, Splatt, Lora, Bebe, T.J., Cori, Moe, and Dizzy.With gust appearances…

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**Duhgimon: What the F***?**

Our heroes….Do I have to say heroes?They technically haven't done anything.

Yes. 

*sigh* Our heroes and their Duhgimon are STILL (no surprise) lost in the forest, trying to find their way home.They missed a sign that points to it, but they're too stoopid…You spelled 'stupid' wrong.

LOOK! I'm the author here.You're the narrator-type person that no one gives a crap about!Just read the card! 

*sigh again* but they're too STOOPID to find it.

Very good 

So here they are again, trying to attack trees, thinking they're Woodamon or something.

"Sly!Can't your puny Toromon do anything?!" Splatt yelled.

"Well if you're Dunymon would Duhgi-volve, too, then we could do something!" Sly said, kicking a rock.

"It's just building it's power!You should know that!The others do!"

"How could you know that?This is the first episode!"

"It just shows I'm smarter than you!" Splatt yelled.

"Boys.I don't care if our Duhgimon evolve, and I just think that they're the cutest!"Bebe said, being her old childish self.Lora nodded, then caught herself from staring at Bebe, and turned back to the 'fight'.

"Yeah?!Well you couldn't…..Hey!What's this strange feeling?" Sly looks at the author, puzzled.

"Yeah!I have it to!" Splatt turned to Sly.Sly turned to Splatt.They just stared for a while.

Silly!Everyone *knows* that you love each other! 

Smiles creaked across both faces, and they ran off into the bushes.The Author started to follow, but then heard some odd sounds, and left it alone.

"What's my brother doing?" T.J. wondered.

I dunno.But I'm not going to check. 

"Oh.Well, if you won't check, then I won't."The author smiled.

Dizzy sat away from the others, typing on his Palmtop.Actually, he was trying to, but kept poking himself on something.Moe came over and stared at Dizzy.

"Moron.How do you expect to type without a keyboard? HAHAHAHAHA!!!!" Moe laughed.His ass fell off.

Dizzy gave him an odd look, then raised his hands and started waving his fingers.Moe screamed like a girl as the word 'Jackass' imprinted itself on his head.Dizzy snickered.

"Hey, that is not funny!" Moe said.He then saw his ass lying on the floor. Some Ratamon started chewing it.He kicked them away and picked it up."Do you have any glue?"Dizzy said no, and Moe tried to use mud to stick it back on. It worked.Cori came over and saw that Moe's pants were brown in the back.She tried to stifle a laugh, but it didn't work at all.She fell to the floor, hold her gut with laughter.Catomon just looked on, confused. 

Hey!Something's missing! 

"Like what?" Lora asked. She tried to take her eyes off Bebe.Unfortunately, it's hard to see if you're eyes aren't in your head. 

Hmmm….I dunno.What does Digimon have that Duhgimon doesn't? 

"What's Digimon?" T.J. asked.His Duhgimon partner Pokomon was trying to bite air.

I know!A pun! 

"What's a pun?" Pokomon asked, giving up on killing the air.

"It's hard to explain," Bebe said.

"Maybe when you're older," Lora said, still searching for her eyes. She thought she found them, but had instead grabbed Bebe's breasts.Both girls blushed.Bebe eyed Lora.Lora put in her eyes and eyed the inside of her head.

"AAHHH!!!!"she smacked her head a few times and her eyes turned around.Then she eyed a nearby tree.Then walked over to it, and tried to start a conversation.Bebe pouted.

What pun should we have? 

"I'm smart!" T.J. announced for no good reason.

HAHA!That's good, T.J, but it isn't a pun. 

T.J. scratched his head.

Suddenly, Sly and Splatt appeared out of no where, wearing each other's clothes.The author decided to leave that one alone, and went back to thinking.Cori came over and slapped T.J.T.J. slapped Splatt, and Splatt tried to slap the author, but instead wound up with his head in his pants.Sly stared after a few minutes, wondering if he was stuck.

No, that won't do at all. 

The author took Splatt's head out of his pants, then put it in Sly's.Sly started to drag himself and Splatt back towards the bushes.

Lora finished her conversation with the tree, and walked back over to Bebe, sitting down on a phone booth that appeared out of nowhere.Lora watched the author think, annoying Bebe. The author started pacing back and forth, trying to think of a pun.

Those morons on Fox can make one, why not I? 

"Um, watch out for that…." Cori started to say.But the author didn't watch, and stepped in some shit.

AUGH!Ok, who did this?! 

Dunymon looked over."Sorry.I was trying to Duhgi-volve, but my concentration went elsewhere."

The author sighed.

A vortex opened.Bebe tried to follow the swirling pattern, but got dizzy and fell over on her back.Her shirt started to fly up, exposing some of her torso.Lora turned her attention to that. 

Two boys, one tall and the other short, stepped out of the portal. A girl followed her.The author instantly fell in love.

My, your BEAUTIFUL!What's your name, and how did you guys get into my story? 

"I'm Musty, this is Crock, and that's Ass.We're from Pukemon, the Mad Magazine rip-off of Pokémon!We don't enjoy people like you being more intelligent than our authors.We challenge you to a Monster match!"

Sly suddenly appeared out of nowhere, and fell on top of the author."You like me, too, huh?"

The author growled. NO!There is a drop dead sexy and gorgeous girl right in front of me.And you just pop out of nowhere!Where'd you go, anyway? 

Sly just smiled in a sly way."Come on Toromon!We can kick that little Freakahu!"

Ass yelled, "It's Peekachu!"

Hey… waitaminute.Where's Moe and Dizzy?We haven't seen them for some time…. 

The screen suddenly cuts to a shot of Moe trying to rip off Dizzy's shirt.Everyone gets a sweat-drop, and the author burns the film he was using to record it.There were shouts of fighting, and everyone though they were missing the battle.They all looked at Ass and Sly.

The battle hadn't begun.In fact, Ass and Sly were just trying to climb trees.The yelling was of Ass falling out and landing on his, well… ass.

"What are you two doing?" Bebe asked.She had finally gotten up, much to Lora's disappointment. 

"Uh….." Ass and Sly stared at each other.They then stared at their respective monsters, who seemed to be indulged in each other's crap or something.

Okay, this is getting way out of hand.Just fight already! 

"Right!" Ass said, and turned his pants backward.Splatt appeared out of nowhere, threw a stick at Bebe, and collapsed, turning into dust.The author stared. 

"Ah!SPLATT!" Sly ran over to the dirt and hugged it."NO!" Ass looked on, confused as ever. Suddenly he felt a tap on the shoulder, and swung around to around to see Splatt.Splatt gave Ass a huge kiss, and Sly got envious.

"NO WE'LL FIGHT!I WILL FIGHT FOR MY LOVE, SPLATT!" Sly yelled. Ass sighed.

"I don't want your boyfriend, just a battle! Peekachu, go! Thunderjack attack!"

Peekachu jumped into the air, and grabbed his Author here.Since I want to keep this at PG-13, I'll….Ah, screw it. 'jack', which shot a lightning bolt out at Toromon.The bolt hit with uncanny accuracy, knocking Toromon down, taking out most of the energy.Toromon tried to get up, but instead concentrated too hard, and sent a turd flying toward peekachu.It hit peekachu in the gut, knocking him out.Toromon was no able to stand.

I declare Toromon the winner!Now to finish the STOOPID fic. 

The author started writing his final paragraphs, then stopped and turned to Bebe and Lora, who were reaching up at each other's shirts.The author stared for a few minutes, then made them go into bushes, not one to really watch.Cori and T.J. had tried to use their Duhgimon as sword, but ended up hitting each other and both got knocked out.The author sighed and wrote the last word.

End.

What do I have to say? :P

This is just some retarded shit I thought up.Like it, like it.Don't like it, screw you.

J/k


	2. Duhgimon 0B: WWWAAAZZZUUUPPP!!!!!!!!!

**Author's Rant:** I shouldn't include this here.I rant during the story, so…. :P

What the heck.I got such a good turn out for the original, I thought, "what the hey!Why not make them think I get high, and post another humor that's full of crap that will make you laugh your ass off!"And then I thought "Hmmm….I better have glue ready so they can put their asses back on…."

But I forgot the glue. ^_^;Oops.I do have bobby pins, though.Just ask if you need one.

**Disclaimer: **I OWN DUHGIMON!!!! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!I made it!It's all mine! Well, yes, it's a spoof of Digimon, but… *hordes and hordes of lawyers dressed up in Big Bird costumes and carrying wooden shoes come in* Um…..Okay, now I don't own Duhgimon.I had to sell it to Bandai.Freaks….::shudder::

**E-mail:** [cosmoswd@trxinc.com][1]

**E-Site:**[http://fananime.cjb.net][2]

**This is a Neo Networks Production.**

-----====(] **Duhgimon 0B: WWWWAAAZZZZUUUPPPP!!!!!!** [)====----

Our abnormally underpaid heroes…

Yes, they are heroes! 

::grumble:: have returned once again.The original Duhgi-destin, Sly, Splatt, Kori, Lora, T.J., Moe, Dizzy, and Bebe found they liked cheese much better than the duhgital world, so they left their Duhgimon to fight the evil can of Hormel pepperoni on their own….Wait.We didn't talk about any evil presence last time…

::slaps narrator:: YES WE DID!WE DID!THEY KNOW THAT!If they didn't see it, then they are delusional.I suggest seeing a psychiatrist right away. 

…Anywho, the Duhgimon won, because they found that pepperoni goes great with all those bland vegetables they had been eating.So they stuffed themselves and got a tan.

Now I want a sandwich…

Ahem…. 

Oh, right.Anyway, a new evil has arisen in the Duhgital world, and a new team of Duhgi-destin(plus some old ones) has been chosen to save the Duhgital world!

I'm going to go raid the fridge……

"I still like cheese better.Why'd I come back here?" T.J. said.

"Because of all these cute thorns!" Doley said. T.J. and Kori had come back, as well as their new 'friends', Mavis, Doley, and… um… Theodore.Doley was a huge Botonalogist…but she didn't know that. And we won't tell her, right?

"Too late!" she said.She touched a thorn with her palm. "OW! What did you say?"

"I think we were tricked. Hey Mavis, do you like cheese?" Kori asked. 

"Hooooooo, yeah!" Mavis said.He was head over heels for Kori- literally.He had rolled head over heels down a hill and met her when he landed face up under her dress.He also had a perverted and loose mind.Kori shoved him into a vat of shaving cream.

"Where'd that come from?" Theodore asked. Everyone pointed to the author.The author pulled down his eyelid and stuck out his tongue, then started to eat the shaving cream, spraying a can of cheese in ever so often.T.J. saw the cheese, and dived in, trying to catch it in his mouth.

"Hey!I'm still down here!" Mavis yelled.T.J. took a mallet and smacked him on the ass.

"Then get out!" T.J. said, and a brawl ensued.It wasn't much.T.J. slapped Mavis, and he just took shaving cream and put it over T.J.'s eyes, blinding him.

"Ah!" he yelled.A third eye appeared on his forehead.

Well, if he runs off a cliff or something, who's going to beat on Mavis? 

"Yeah!" Mavis said.He got a confused look, and scratched his shoulder.

Kori ran over and pushed Mavis into the shaving cream, which some how turned into cement.The author ran off to look for a river to wash his mouth out.

Wait a minute, I'm the author! 

A glass of Mountain Dew appeared and hovered in front of the author.

Thank you! 

Your welcome. 

"Mavis, how can you be so mean to T.J.?He just wanted some cheese!" Kori started crying. "Is that too much to ask?" She ran over and buried her head in T.J.'s chest.T.J. started to comfort her, but found a coconut and made some action figures out of it.Kori walked back over Mavis, and flicked his ear.She stuck out her tongue, and Mavis caught it between his fingers.

"HA! Brat got your tongue?" Doley laughed.Her glasses fell off, and Theodore crushed them with his grandfather's cane, and poured orange juice over them.

"What was that for?!" Doley asked, not realizing yet that she could see without them.

"I can?" No. "Oh."

"um…There was a bug on them…or maybe it was some sort of gas, I don't know…" Theodore said.

Suddenly a portal opened in front of them.

OH! Déjà vu!!!! 

"What's that?" Theodore asked.T.J. and Kori knew, but they decided to keep it to themselves. 5 girls in mailmen uniforms hopped out, followed by one in a short skirt.

"We are the Mailer Sprouts!" the girls said.

"And I am SailorWho!" The last one said.

"Wait, I'm not supposed to be in this story.Oh well. SUPREME ENCHILADA ATTACK!" she yelled.Keyboards popped all over and flung themselves at Mavis.SailorWho jumped back into portal and it closed. 

"What are Mailer Sprouts?" Mavis asked, munching on a keyboard.

"We are!We are the protectors of mail!I am Mailer Swoon!I protect the mail of Venezuela!"

"I am Mailer Stars!I protect the mail of China!"

"She must have a hard job," T.J. whispered to Kori. 

"I am Mailer Jerky! I protect the mail of Mexico!"

"I am Mailer…"

Eh, no.You are not that.Keep the 'P' out of it….Gotta think of a new one…Skip you for now. 

"And I am Sailor Stupider! I protect the mail of Antartica!"

"I can see where the 'Stupider' comes from," Mavis said.

Mailer Swoon stared at him."Why you!Don't hurt my friend! RETURN TO SENDER ATTACK!" she shouted.

"I can see where the 'Stupider' comes from," she said, mimicking Mavis.

Suddenly, Lora fell out of the sky and landed on Mailer….

We'll just call her 00G for now, k? 

Whatever.And landed on 00G. 

"Where's Bebe?" Lora asked.

um….Bebe isn't here.And you're not supposed to be, either. 

Then Lora disappeared.

Ahem…And then Lora disappeared.

I said….

Hey!I typed it, but she isn't gone!What the hell?! 

Lora just cocked her head and looked over at Mailer Jerky.She got a weird look in her eyes and walked over.

I'm not writing this!Why the hell is it happening?! 

"Hi….Are you seeing anybody?" Lora asked Mailer Jerky. Jerky looked at her weird.

"OVERBAKED HAM SUPREME!" she yelled, pointing at Lora.A bunch of chicken eggs fell on Lora's head.She grabbed a frying pan out of thin air and started to cook.Mailer Swoon looked at the rest of the Duhgi-destin, which had now grabbed T.J.'s action figures and were beating them with rubber chickens.

"AHEM." She said, getting their attention. "Good.We have gotten reports that you were tampering with mail!Were you?"

What the?This isn't even in the script!Where's the white out? 

"Um…" Theodore said, putting down his rubber chicken down.Suddenly, 5 digimon popped into existence.Catomon, Tapamon, Geemon, Imahillemon, and Gawkmon.Imahilliemon walked over to Theodore, grabbed a piece of hay, and put it in his mouth, humming country westerns.Catomon and Tapamon went over to T.J. and Kori, respectively, happy to see their lost friends.They hugged, then switched partners and hugged again.Then T.J. released Kori from his embrace, and collected his coconut action figures.

"I said, did you?!" Mailer Swoon said, annoyed by the new creepy things.

Who's typing this? 

"Aren't thorns pretty?" Doley said, sitting on a cactus.Gawkmon came over and looked a pin.It then took out some of it's hair and made an X on the cactus.

"Um…I guess," Mailer Stupider said.She went over, and started eating a piece of Catcus.

"Hey!That's mine!"

Catomon on Tapamon finally realized what was going on, and walked over to the Mailer Sprouts.

"So what if they did?This isn't even your fiction, so go away!" Catomon said, shaking the tags on her ankles.

"Bah.We'll take you out, then those kids!" 00G said.Lora flipped her eggs over, sprinkling some of the cement from the vat on them.

Mavis looked at his Duhgimon."What the hell are you?" he asked.Geemon punched him in the groin, and explained.

"I'm your Duhgimon!Now get it straight! I'm the master, you're the lowly lawyer who worked for Al Gore!"

"Did somebody say my name?" a weird and slurry voice said.Al Gore stepped out behind a tree, loaded to the teeth with potato guns, but no potatoes.Instead, he had TP.

"Thanks, friend," Imahilliemon said.He grabbed some TP and walked behind a tree.

No. NO!!!!Not him!!!DAMN! Damndamndamndamndamn! 

Sailor Stars looked at Al Gore, and was disgusted by his face, which kept changing to the faces that cartoonists drew him as."LAUNDRY BURRITO!" she yelled.A sink came out of the sky and squashed Al Gore.

I may not want you in this fic, but thank you. 

The Mailer Scouts all turned to the Author.

"Did you steal the Mail?" They asked.Mustard appeared and squirted on a tree.

Why did that happen? 

You should know, this is your fic.

Yes, but I'm not writing it! 

The author looked over to where the Narrator was sitting.Instead of cue cards, he saw a teleprompter.He walked over and saw a cord leading behind one of those moveable walls.He walked behind the walls, and sitting there, typing, was….

Not again! 

"What? Wait… No No!You not be here!You go back!Gizzard of Zed be all powerful!BOO! BOO!!" Tom Brochaw said. 

Gizzard of Zed be all powerful!Yes! Yes!

Shut up! 

Sorry.

"You no listen to him! He evil man!I do good for world!Pay those nude models so they go to college!YES!"

Shut up, bitch! The author said.He kicked Tom in the knee, and he evaporated.

"I melt! I melt!Free fries with every fwill uh……" he said as the air rushed out him.The author looked back to see the Duhgimon and Mailer Sprouts engaged in battle.

"Black Panther Attack!" Catomon yelled.A rocket fizzled in front of the Sprouts, and they burst up in laughter.Catomon got mad.

"Follow-up!" Tapamon said.Another rocket appeared, this time blowing up.

"Did someone say Rocket?" a female voice asked.

"To protect the world from devastation!"

"To unite all people within our- oof!"The author kneed James in the stomach.

and now that I have control again… 

James and Jesse did the Macarena, and ate hot dogs.

"*munch* Hey! *gulp* I don't want to get fat! *burp*" she said.

Too bad.You choose to invade my fic. Jesse and James vanished, their bodies warping.

Now for the Mailer Sprouts. 

"KLEENEX KONTANEL!" 00G yelled.A metallic coconut knocked T.J. unconscious. A portal suddenly opened, sucking the Sprouts in.Mailer Stupider got one last attack in before she was sucked up.

"ENCYCLOPEDIA 7UP!" she yelled.Cheese sprayed from her hands, and kept going as she went into the portal. 

"Hey! She can make cheese!" Kori yelled.She hoisted T.J.'s body on her shoulder, and ran into the portal, leaving everyone behind.

"Hey…didn't you say something about an evil or something in the beginning?" Theodore asked. 

Yes.But apparently, Tom Brochaw had written himself in, so I think you guys are done. 

"Um… Okay," said Mavis.A circle opened, and he tried to jump in it.He almost got through, but he just slammed into it. "Ow…"

I have to finish, first. The portal opened fully, and everything but the author and narrator was sucked in.

Time to end this fic. 

-H- -ND

Hey! What happened to T E, and E? 

A snicker was heard from the end.

"Team Rocket was destroyed in this world, so we're rebuilding it!" James said, hanging up the letters.TE-- ----E- 

"Yeah!" Jesse said.The author grabbed the letters and hung them back up.

THE END

   [1]: mailto:cosmoswd@trxinc.com
   [2]: http://fananime.cjb.net/



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